Fear of the Pain of Childbirth

by Mar 23, 2019Birth School, Pain Management0 comments

Terrified of the pain of childbirth?

One of the greatest fears women have in giving birth is the fear of pain. As a pain management specialist, I’ve devoted my life to developing and teaching tools to transcend fear and pain.

Let me share some of my thoughts and experiences.

I live in Quebec, Canada where the winter season lasts six months. I come from a northern region called Abitibi where temperatures of -35°C are common.

I often wonder how women of the First Nations and their families survived these rude environmental conditions? The answer I came up with is through SEX and BIRTH. More precisely thanks to the PLEASURE they found in both sex and birth.

I have the strong conviction that mother nature, the universe or the divine (whatever you want to call it ) wants us to survive as a species. To do so, sex and birth need to be addictive. So that’s why pleasure is hardwired in our body and experienced thanks to our hormones and our neurophysiology.

We’ve just forgotten how to activate these resources, especially during childbirth.

Religion and medicine

Religion and medicine are two of the greatest forces that have made us forget the pleasure we can experience during sex and birth. In both of these systems, the expertise lies outside of ourselves and the fear of danger is used to manipulate us. We become subservient and submissive. We doubt ourselves.

My grandmother was born in Lebanon and immigrated to Canada at the beginning of the 20th century. She was poor and illiterate. In her religion she learned that her role as a women was to have children. Lots of them.

She wasn’t meant to live her dreams and surely not to thrive for pleasure. I have the clear sensation that sex was, as for many women in the world, and obligation. One more item on her “to do list”. She probably learned from her own mother that sex was painful. Not feeling important, inspired, warmed up, aroused nor lubricated, she probably experienced pain during sex. And fear creates fear confirming that sex in fact is painful.

The same thing applies to childbirth. In pain you shall give birth. That’s a concept we’ve all bought into.  

Through media, women have been convinced that childbirth is painful. The only stories we hear are the bad ones and women are always being depicted as hysterical and in pain. Physiologic birth expressed through POWERFUL FREE WOMEN is off the radar.

And the “business of being born” has become commonplace.


Medicalizing birth has increased pain and suffering emotionally and physically. Emotional pain comes from the lack of continuous loving support and trust by healthcare provider who listens and respects women’s choices during pregnancy, birth and postpartum.

Physical pain comes from the numerous tests and interventions that increase the painful signal: vaginal exams, inductions, fasting, the obligation to be quiet, not to pleasure and touch oneself, giving birth in foreign environments, doubting women’s and babies abilities and competencies, disturbing women, obliging or forbidding women to do as they feel are all factors that will increase pain and suffering.

To experience pleasure during childbirth, we need to be empowered and trust we can do this.

We need to regain power on our births, make informed decisions, communicate with our baby and our partner and tap into our intuition. These are the fundamental rights that birthing persons should have.

The best way to regain power over our births is to educate ourselves.

If we don’t know our options, we don’t have any. I encourage you to learn the tools that will enable you to fully enjoy birth and transcend the sensations you will experience.

This is what I teach in my online childbirth program where you will learn more than 20 tools and keys to help you work with the sensations of childbirth. And they work! It’s proven. I’ll guide you through 30 short videos (about 4.5 h of viewing) where you will experience, step-by-step, all the nonpharmacological tools that will show you the way to pleasure.

With all my love and gratitude


Online Course
From the start, my life’s work has revolved around working with families, but not always in the way you might expect. Before I became a pregnancy Bonapace Method Coach, I worked as a divorce mediator for the Ministry of Justice of Quebec. After I’d seen so many marital rifts and observed the patterns and behaviours that led to them, I decided to devote myself to preventing them entirely. I created a program that would give parents tools that would help them form the bonds of a strong relationship during one of the most pivotal times for any family—the arrival of a baby. The Bonapace Method was born out of studying pregnancy, its practices and traditions, through families and cultures all over the world. I combined this with research I conducted on non-pharmacological pain management as part of my master’s degree at the University of Québec. The Method grew with the addition of mediation and team-building exercises, yoga to foster awareness of the mind and body, and stress-management techniques that I adapted and cemented out of my love of extreme sports (I’m an adrenaline junkie). Taught through my workshops, these tools are designed to show you how to understand and harness emotions, how to communicate and encourage teamwork, how to naturally redirect pain, and how to think through the toughest scenarios and make informed decisions even in times of stress. They are skills that I am looking forward to sharing with you as you embark upon your own adventures with your beautiful, growing family.